It's Not Fair

Some days are burned into your memory. August 28th is one of mine. But it wasn’t my wedding date or the birth of one of my children. It was the day I heard:

“I’m so sorry.  I know it’s not fair.”

Those are the words that are burned in my brain from the day my doctor told me I had a rare blood cancer.   We talked about statistics and possible treatments and prognosis. I honestly don’t remember much of it.

I kept my composure during the appointment.  But when I got home, I climbed in bed with my 8-week-old baby and broke down.  The thought of not seeing my children grow up or graduate high school or get married was overwhelming.   

Even though I ate well, exercised, and did all the things to stay healthy, here I was diagnosed with a cancer most people get in their 60’s and 70’s.    Because doctors have no idea what causes the stem cells to start mutating, there is probably nothing I could have done to prevent it.  But, there also isn’t really a cure.  

Right now, the best options are to treat my symptoms and try to maintain as much of my quality of life for as long as possible.   

And no, it’s not fair.