Mommy Doesn't Feel Good

Many times the hardest part of coping with a chronic illness isn’t the actual disease, it’s the mental and emotional side effects. Being a mom, I hate when I have to look at my kids and say I can’t do something because I don’t feel well.  I usually am dealing with a lot of fatigue and lack of energy which makes it hard be a good mommy. 

My kids already deal with a lot because of my cancer.  They know far too much about oncologists and really long doctor’s appointments and waiting for test results.  The words platelets and stem cells and cancer are used in normal conversation.    Even though I look normal, they understand that I might feel really sick. 

Sometimes I have to be content with watching my kids play with their dad instead of being able to join in.  I will sometimes say I am busy with other tasks so that I don’t have to repeat a common phrase – “I’m just too tired” or “I don’t feel up to it.”

I never want to spoil their fun.  But I know that if I use too much energy for one task I will be exhausted and ready for bed at 7pm, which isn’t really fair either.    Thankfully, there are still lots of good days, and we do prioritize which events are really important for me to participate in.

I am trying to maximize quality time whether it is just sitting down talking about a video game or bonding over a movie.  But, I know it’s not always the same.  

Just another piece of collateral damage….